I started to write this post on 12/26/2012…
I look at myself in the mirror with disappointment. I am a certified health coach, yet I am overweight and don’t feel healthy. It is hard to reconcile this emotion and not beat myself up. I have really let myself go the last two years due to all my life changes, and stress. Stress is a big weight gainer for me. No matter how hard I try to eat right or workout, if I am stressed, I don’t lose any weight. And when I don’t lose weight doing what I think are healthy choices, I sabotage myself. Downward spiral I have not been in for a long time, and each time it happens, I find it harder to climb out of the dark whole.
I think this time I should seek professional help. Even though I am able to help others reach their goals, I think it is wise for me to get my own coach/counselor to help me work through this transition. My husband and I want to get pregnant and I am terrified about gaining another pound because it will be one step farther away from trying to lose weight and also could lead to a high risk pregnancy.
My friends say, just get pregnant gain the weight and then focus on losing it after the baby is born. But knowing how difficult it is for me to lose weight without some serious attention and commitment, I can’t imagine I will have the energy once the baby is here.
Too many mental conversations going on and not enough action. So today, I am going to see a fertility specialist, ask him if he recommends a weight management counselor I can work with and focus on both at the same time. If other things have to move down on my priority list to be able to focus on my health, then I will do it. I will meditate to help manage my stress levels and let the guilt go. I have also considered putting together a weight loss group to check in with so I can built the support group I need to get healthier. Basically I am trying to take my own advice, and take action like I would recommend to my clients.
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. – Carol Burnett
I am already exhausted thinking about it, but I know once I start and get my momentum, then I will feel so much better and want to do even more. Life is short, I need to take care of myself.
Actions I have taken since I started to write this post but did not have the courage to post it because it is so raw for me and real.
- Went to the fertility specialist. Got blood work done. He told me that my chances of getting pregnant will be greater if I focus on getting my weight and sugar levels in check so I can get my cycle back to normal and increase my chances of pregnancy. (One swift kick in the ass to get moving, check!)
- Ordered the Clean Program Cleanse to start on 01/04. I have done this cleanse before and it really helped me regulated my sugar levels and get back into a vegan/gluten free diet. (This program is not just for vegans.)
- Going to start sharing my story through this blog to help me keep on track and conscious about my decisions. I know I am going to have good days and bad days. But I will take things one day at a time.
Weight management has been a life struggle for me. As much as I have learned over the years, there is always something more to learn and each year I get older my body is changing. Just trying to figure it out and love myself through the process.
Here is my inspiration picture: I weighed 25 lbs less than I am right now and fit into size 12 pants. Going to post this in my bedroom to help me get out of bed and get my workout on! I know at this size, I was vegan, gluten free, and worked out almost 6 times a week. Need to get that enthusiasm back and commit the time to myself again. Cheers to your health! I am definitely working on mine in 2013.